Hope! & Help! "for Troubled Marriages"
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I
will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from
Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest
for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
The statistics are overwhelming! Fifty percent of those that marry will most likely divorce. What a sad commentary on our society. How many of those marriages did not need to end? How many of them could have been saved? How many broken hearts do we need in this world? How many children will cry themselves to sleep wondering what has happened to their family
Our hearts break each time we hear of another divorce in the making!! It does not have to be this way!
We must turn our eyes to our Father in Heaven. He is the ultimate counselor, the author of marriage....the sustainer of our lives.
Marriages that are in trouble now have most likely been on a road to destruction for a long time. It just does not happen overnight! Each partner has played a significant role as to where the relationship lies today. It takes two people to make a marriage and it takes two people to break it.....But just because it is broken does not mean it is the end!
Many times each person is sure it is the other who has caused the "problem"! In most cases this is just not true! We must be willing to sit down with ourselves and do an honest evaluation as to what our part was in getting the marriage to this point. Most marriages dissolve because "needs" are not getting met! Did you ever ask you mate what his or her needs are? Are you each willing to meet the needs of your spouse?
Are you willing to forgive your spouse?
We are all human, and can fall into walking in the "flesh". We make mistakes.....but the biggest gift our Lord has given us is the power to forgive my friends. Holding anger and resentment in your heart hurts only ONE PERSON....YOU!!
Do you want forgiveness for yourself? Then you have to forgive too! Everyone is a child of God...... Jesus asked that we treat others just as He would; with love, honor, respect, forgiveness, patience, forbearence etc. How are you treating your spouse? Do you need to forgive?
Release your heart of the pain today, forgive......call upon Jesus to take the pain away! It does not matter whether the other person is willing to forgive also. You must deal with yourself first! You must see what lies in YOUR own heart, not what lies in your mates. You can't make someone else change, they have to make their own decision. If you sincerely want to try and make a marriage work, start with you! You cannot make changes if you only look to blame the other, or concentrating on their faults or actions. Humbly look into your heart and start making your own changes.
One of the biggest mistakes we hear people saying is that "someone" is MAKING me unhappy. This is just not possible! Only YOU can make YOU happy first. You control your life! Are you LETTING someone else get the best of you! Good and healthy marriages are always the result of people who have come into marriage happy with themself from the start. They do not look to marriage as the way for them to become happy. It is unfair to your spouse to insist that they are THE ONE who will bring you your happiness!
We are all changing as time passes by. Sometimes the goals we had when first married are not the same. That's okay! Do you take the time to ask one another what your goals are? Are you willing to combine your goals to walk this life together, or are you selfishly wanting everything your own way? Marriage is a combining of two spirits. A oneness, together, to make our way through life as friends, lovers and companions.
This requires compromise, unselfish behavior, love, patience, honesty, loyalty, forgiveness and most of all humility, ALL of the time! These things we must do daily to remain lifelong partners in our marriage. It is also an understanding that we as people are human with needs, and hurts. Communication is absolutely essential in a healthy marriage. We must always find time to talk. We must always find the time to see how the other is feeling. We must be willing to bear our souls to our mates when we are hurt....not burry the hurt deep inside until one day, we don't even know the person we are married to. This happens because the anger has risen to such levels, we no longer see him or her with "love".
We must be willing each and every day to look at our spouses as a "Child of God", which we ALL are. Jesus loves both of you.....all the time! He is willing to forgive every time you ask. Can you say the same!
So many people go into marriage with expectations that probably cannot be attained. Do you need to review with yourself what marriage is? Open your bible and study God's Word for marriage. Do you know your biblical role as a husband or wife? Did you go into marriage with the idea that "I'll try it"?
Solid marriages are built with the knowledge that this is "FOREVER"! It is THIS FOUNDATION that keeps the two from wandering too far apart! What is YOUR true vision of marriage? Do you both share that vision?
If you honestly desire to try and make your marriage work, you will need to examine yourself. Then, you will be able to honestly speak to your partner with humility, as to what YOUR role has been to bring the marriage to this point. Your own humility should be the base for the other person to examine his or her role also. This may not happen exactly in the time that you wish, but you must pray for this person and leave the rest to God! One of you is going to have to break the misery, the silence, the anger, the tears. Work on yourself to become the person that God has intended you to become as husband or wife. Make YOUR life the example!
In God, everything is possible! Your marriage can become the marriage that our Father wants for you! Seek God everyday, obeying His Word and walk in His light. He can bear your burdens, He can heal the pain and He can bring you both to a brand new life.
Give thanks to God today even for the trials in your life. God has a wonderful way of turning our bad times into such joy! Don't ever forget that! Keep Him your first priority.....always! May God Bless you abundantly in your life and in your marriage.
Ending a marriage will just open up a whole new set of problems. And make no mistake about it ... the "sting" will remain with you the rest of your life!
Please, prayerfully consider turning your marriage completely over to God.
God Bless You!