The first thing you have to realize is why God takes marriage
so seriously. The reason marriage is such a holy entity is because
marriage was ordained by God even before sin entered the world.
Read Genesis 2:19-25
Immediately following Adam naming the cattle, fowl, and the beasts
of the field, God created Eve and brought her to Adam. The first
thing Adam says is this is now bone of my bone, and flesh of flesh
and he called her woman because she was taken from man. Verse
24 states: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they hall be one flesh"
This is where the entity of marriage was ordained. For those that
would argue this read on to verse 25: "And they were both
naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed" Sin could
have entered the world yet because the shame of their nakedness
did not come about until they chose to partake of the tree of
knowledge of good and evil.
There have been times in my own marriage when I was certain my
wife would probably leave. Praise God that never happened. But
there is something I have learned along the way that has proven
an invaluable tool. When these times arise, the first thing I
know I need to do is to ask God to reveal to me where I have fallen
short as a husband.
Often times I find that whatever is affecting my marriage, usually
stems from something I have allowed into my own life. As the husband,
the things you allow into your life will be released upon your
family as well.
Ephesians 5:23 tells us: "For the husband is the head of
the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is
the saviour of the body."
Here we learn that the husband, not the wife, is the head, the
spiritual authority, the one accountable to God for the spiritual
well being of his family. This DOES NOT mean ownership! It is
a responsibility bestowed upon the husband. Considering that you
are the spiritual authority, whatsoever you allow into your own
life will be released upon your family.
Ephesians 5:31 tells us: "For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and
they two shall be one flesh."
Is it possible for two to become one without partaking of the
same things? I don't think so. The only difference is that the
husband is the spiritual authority.
The Bible also tells us that whatsoever we loose on earth shall
be loosed in heaven and that whatsoever we bind on earth shall
be bound in heaven.
Basically, you have the same responsibility to your wife and family
that a pastor has to his congregation. This is why so many pastors
very cautiously guard their pulpits. Because they know that whatever
they allow to come into the church will be released into the congregation.
They are accountable to God for this. If they allow someone to
come in and teach things that aren't truly from God, it will flow
through the congregation. This doesn't particularly mean somebody
that is blatantly twisting the word of God either.
In this same authority, whatever you allow into your life that
is not truly from God, will flow through your family. By design,
women will often return to their husband what they are being fed.
Are they being fed love, compassion, hope, and companionship?
Or are they being fed anger, strife, insecurity, and fear? As
the husband, you are only going to reap what you sow. Even if
it's a subtle negative, it will return to you.
The husband is to love his wife above all other human beings.
Consider Eph. 5:25 and 28; and Col. 3:19. These passages teach
that the husband is to be considerate and tender. The verses in
Ephesians 5 teach that the husband is to cherish his wife. This
means that she is to be treated with tenderness and affection.
This would mean that since love must be fed, there is to be a
warm demonstrative love relationship. The husband has the responsibility
of not only demonstrating his love and concern, but telling her.
He should not sit in such self-absorption that he does not
talk with her and communicate with her socially, mentally, verbally
and physically. The husband will demonstrate his love for
his wife in other ways, rather than just at the time of sexual
relationship. If this is the only time that affection and consideration
is shown, then a wife will get the idea that all a husband is
interested in is her body and that she is merely a sex object.
I Peter 3:7, teaches that the husband is to honor his wife.
She gave up her name to take yours. Honor means that you should
show her respect and this involves courtesy, consideration and
emotional support. Be sure that as her husband that you do not
hold her up to ridicule in public by the cutting remarks that
you make. She wears YOUR name and is to viewed as part of your
body. She is not perfect and you are aware of this. Do not
expect perfection, but as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, "forbear
one another". This means to be gentle toward her. Control
of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a
sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior - are ways by which
you can exhibit forbearance.
Paul presents another responsibility of husbands in I Timothy
5:8 - "But if any provide not for his own, especially
for those of his own household, he hath denied the faith and is
worse than an infidel". Marriage is a financial venture
and the husband has a responsibility to finance or support or
provide for his family. This is talking about money. As a husband,
your earnings are not your own but belong to your wife as well
and your children.
Another responsibility of the husband is to be active in
the area of the discipline and rearing of the children. When
the Apostle Paul was giving the qualifications for elders and
deacons, he included this statement that is certainly applicable
to all men: I Timothy 3:3-5, and he speaks of ruling your own
house. Now this discipline should be with love. Many times discipline
is administered without love. The Book says in Ephesians 6:4,
"Fathers provoke not your children to wrath", and again
in Colossians 3:21, "Fathers provoke not your children to
anger lest they be discouraged". The
husband therefore does not leave all the discipline up to his
wife, but shares in the molding and direction of your children.
It is not a proper division of responsibility to say that as the
husband I will provide the living and the wife is to take care
of the house and children. The husband has duties even after his
days work is done by which lie is earning a living to support
The Christian father should set an example for his family as
he earns a living, directs the household with concern for each
member, and as he fulfills his role as head of the house. He
should see to their spiritual development by the life he lives
and the direction in which he leads his family.